I know. I know it has been a while since my last blog. In reality, nothing happened to me that inspired me enough to write a new blog. I wasn't drawn to the computer like I had been in the past to type a few words to illuminate from a computer screen. In fact, life was simply boring for a while. I was getting scared (notice that 'a while' was only between two days to a week...hmmm) that life was passing me by and I was missing something. I was second guessing my decision to come here or even come to college... until approximately 7:42 this evening (oh yeah... I am THAT accurate)
There was a YSA (Young Single Adults) BBQ get together at a golf course here in Cedar. I was really nervous to go. I was tempted not to go. I just wanted to cuddle up in my own ball and ignore the world. I guess you can say that I was afraid of disappointment... I didn't want to go to this thing, meet no one, talk to no one, and then leave as pathetic as I was when I came. Despite my fear, I decided to go. After having a hard time finding the place (and a little help from my bishop) I go there. It was all rather unfortunate at first, I didn't have the nerve to talk to anyone... I felt so out of my element. I am used to high school students and such... I was confident around them. These older people made me feel.... insignifigant. It was weird. Finally I gathered up the nerve to introduce myself to these two girls who eventually just left me. HA! Yeah. It started off pretty bad.... all up until my biship started talking to me.... and then this other guy joined and then this amazingly radiant spark of sunshine started talking to all of us.
Mackenzie was her name and I freakin adore the girl. So anyway, we started talking about theatre and after getting food I sat by her and her friend Kaeli. It was AWESOME! We just laughed and had a ball!! They were so adorable! Then they asked me to go to a friends house to watch Up! I felt so cool! After the movie we went to Wal Mart, bought ice cream, talked about boys, went to Mackenzie's apartment, then invaded this other persons apartment and watched TV with them. AH! It was so much fun!I had just barely met these girls and I feel as though I have known them my whole life! It's SO NICE TO HAVE SOME GIRLFRIENDS UP IN CEDAR!!! I am FINALLY getting somewhere here! HAHAH! Thank heaven for church sponsored activities and doing things even though they scare you! Sometimes those things will bring you the most happiest and you will reap so much more. I love it. A new life lesson every day!!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
You Belong With Me!! :D (has nothing to do with my post but i'm listening to the song)
SO... basically.... ya know... life rocks... as it always has... and I must admit some pretty awesome things have happened to me. The opening ceremonies for the summer games were LEGIT. I have to say, I loved it. The fireworks were awesome, and what are fireworks without my good buddy TANNER!! :)
My car is kinda fine now.... She gets around the best she can and hasn't broke down on me... yet. BAHAH! Cedar is fun. But I can't help but feel as though something is missing...
Something big is missing...
It's as though there is this big hole in my identity...
I don't like it but I get by. I still remain happy. I am pretty proud of my optimistic attitute. I remember how depressed I used to get a couple years ago... I guess that's what's expected when a very important person leaves in your life. I still think about it sometimes... but I look forward to the future.
I keep myself busy all the time. I spend each day cleaning, reading, creating, writing, looking for jobs, and hanging out with my buddies. I like it. I like it a lot. Just same as always, something is missing. Is it normal to feel that way?
My car is kinda fine now.... She gets around the best she can and hasn't broke down on me... yet. BAHAH! Cedar is fun. But I can't help but feel as though something is missing...
Something big is missing...
It's as though there is this big hole in my identity...
I don't like it but I get by. I still remain happy. I am pretty proud of my optimistic attitute. I remember how depressed I used to get a couple years ago... I guess that's what's expected when a very important person leaves in your life. I still think about it sometimes... but I look forward to the future.
I keep myself busy all the time. I spend each day cleaning, reading, creating, writing, looking for jobs, and hanging out with my buddies. I like it. I like it a lot. Just same as always, something is missing. Is it normal to feel that way?
Monday, June 7, 2010
R.I.P. Thelma Gertrude-A piece of crap but amazing car
Thelma finished her life on the side of I-15 on the way to Cedar City. Now she sits all alone on the side of a road... with my phone charger and book shelf in it... AHHHHHHHH! :( It's very upsetting. It seems as though everything that can go wrong JUST went wrong this weekend. Why? Hmmm... Maybe I should start to read a book...
Well, just thought I would say that for a moment. I am just so upset that I probably won't have a car to drive anymore... not a very good thing... well one good thing happened... I am just happy that people are willing to pick up my phone calls when they are asleep and talk to me (If you read this, thank you, you made my day and helped me stay sane!)
I. Love. Life. :)
Well, just thought I would say that for a moment. I am just so upset that I probably won't have a car to drive anymore... not a very good thing... well one good thing happened... I am just happy that people are willing to pick up my phone calls when they are asleep and talk to me (If you read this, thank you, you made my day and helped me stay sane!)
I. Love. Life. :)
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Sigh... Saint George :) Hewwo Home :)
Sigh... It is SO good to be back in Saint George. I love it here. I finally get to feel the heat and be surrounded by the various locations and memories that helped turn me into the person who I am today. I am rather sentimental. I enjoy it though. To bad getting here wasn't as amazing as getting here, let me tell you, THAT was a doozy of a story.
My car broke down... three times today. Good old Thelma Gertrude just didn't have it in her to make the long trip to St. George. You should have seen me. I was so upset. I thought that my car was going to totally die and I wouldn't be able to get any form of transportation. It's insane. Now the only thing that seems to occupy my thoughts is money and where it will come from next. One stress leads to another as you get older.
Fortunately, my car did not break down to the point where it wouldn't work (what a relief). I am just not supposed to drive it from St. George to Cedar anymore and I am okay with that. As long as I have a car to get me to work and back in College I think I will be all set.
Once I got settled, I texted my friends and we decided to have a little get together at her house. Before I went over though, I walked around good old Desert Hills High School. Have you ever walked around your high school during the summer? It has a totally different... spirit to it. Especially mine. It seems as though everything is happy and amazing at that school during the summer. I remember all the dreams I had. All the things that I thought I wanted to do. Now as I look back, I have come to realize that although I didn't get to do everything I wanted to do, I still grew into the person I wanted to become (well.... almost... growing into that person will take a whole lot more time than just four years of high school)
After walking around the amazing Desert Hills High School, I went to my friends house and showed all the girls some pictures of the guy that I like... he is adorable and so freakin cute! haahah (they approve... to bad my sister doesn't). I miss these guys. We had so much fun! We made some pudding dessert stuff with my friend's parents while Kameron and I had a competition and came up with a new television show (which hopefully will air this Monday on Youtube, you won't want to miss that one). The park was pretty legit too! I ran through the water.... with my clothes on... and took pictures. HAHAH we had so much fun! Kameron is now officially one of my new favorite people. It was nice to see all my friends again. They are really good people who care about me a lot. I miss you guys and wish you all the happiness in the world. People as amazing as you deserve the world!! (Hailee, you would be like my favorite pair of earrings because your beautiful and I always want them to be close to me. :) I hope I can find friends this amazingly wonderful and positively influential in college!! :D
My car broke down... three times today. Good old Thelma Gertrude just didn't have it in her to make the long trip to St. George. You should have seen me. I was so upset. I thought that my car was going to totally die and I wouldn't be able to get any form of transportation. It's insane. Now the only thing that seems to occupy my thoughts is money and where it will come from next. One stress leads to another as you get older.
Fortunately, my car did not break down to the point where it wouldn't work (what a relief). I am just not supposed to drive it from St. George to Cedar anymore and I am okay with that. As long as I have a car to get me to work and back in College I think I will be all set.
Once I got settled, I texted my friends and we decided to have a little get together at her house. Before I went over though, I walked around good old Desert Hills High School. Have you ever walked around your high school during the summer? It has a totally different... spirit to it. Especially mine. It seems as though everything is happy and amazing at that school during the summer. I remember all the dreams I had. All the things that I thought I wanted to do. Now as I look back, I have come to realize that although I didn't get to do everything I wanted to do, I still grew into the person I wanted to become (well.... almost... growing into that person will take a whole lot more time than just four years of high school)
After walking around the amazing Desert Hills High School, I went to my friends house and showed all the girls some pictures of the guy that I like... he is adorable and so freakin cute! haahah (they approve... to bad my sister doesn't). I miss these guys. We had so much fun! We made some pudding dessert stuff with my friend's parents while Kameron and I had a competition and came up with a new television show (which hopefully will air this Monday on Youtube, you won't want to miss that one). The park was pretty legit too! I ran through the water.... with my clothes on... and took pictures. HAHAH we had so much fun! Kameron is now officially one of my new favorite people. It was nice to see all my friends again. They are really good people who care about me a lot. I miss you guys and wish you all the happiness in the world. People as amazing as you deserve the world!! (Hailee, you would be like my favorite pair of earrings because your beautiful and I always want them to be close to me. :) I hope I can find friends this amazingly wonderful and positively influential in college!! :D
The Final Decision... and CHOCOLATE COVERED HONEYCOMB:)
I quit my job yesterday. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. The decision was a tough one, that's for sure. But in the end, I made the right choice. Sometimes you have to do what feels right even if that means going against all logic. I think part of growing up is learning how to trust your feelings and know when it's appropriate to go with what your mind is telling you. It's like this quote from the movie Prince of Persia "A true king listens to the advice of council but always follows his heart." I followed my heart and I feel so much better. It's as though a weight was lifted off my shoulders. One lesson down, fifty trillion to go ...(well... maybe not QUITE that many)
My parents bought a new boat. It's a pretty cool boat I must say. We ended up picking it up in Hurricane and then taking it to Quail Lake. We had loads of fun... after we all stopped whining and being grouchy HAHA! Man, I loved that heat!! I never thought I would say this, but I miss that ST. George heat. For some reason it's comforting to me. Especially when you are on the lake and the wind is blowing through your hair and the cold water is splashing across your face... pure euphoria. :) Its pretty much legit. I love sitting in the front of the boat and pretending like I can fly. THAT is probably the best part of boating.
After boating we drove back up to Cedar and I decided that I really wanted to hang out with someone... realizing that all of my good friends (namely... Tanner) were out of town, I decided to give another friend of mine a call. I was really nervous for some reason. I tend to get that way sometimes. I can get up on a stage in front of hundreds of people and not feel nervous, but when it comes to calling a boy to hang out... sometimes I freeze. HAHA! That's just me. I am pretty much a walking contradiction in that sense... in fact... in many senses... I'm an introvert yet an extrovert, a person who loves to work yet loves to play... oh well. It's just one of those things that makes me unique. I guess all of us have aspects about ourselves that make us "walking contradictions" don't we?
Well ANYWAY.... after I invited him to a movie I got ready, filled up my gas tank, and drove over to his house. (I looked pretty much like a babe by the way, and I got ready in fifteen minutes! HA HA! I just LOVE days that work out like that) When I got there (after being lost for a long period of time) he introduced me to one of the most amazing creations.... chocolate covered honeycomb... it was amazing.... AH. I love it. After eating it I sat down on this futon by him and watched as he tried to create some cheats for Runescape and play his music. This is another way I contradict myself, I love to talk to people but I am also just as fascinated (if not more fascinated) just by watching them or listening to them. I love it when people feel so comfortable with me, that they all the sudden just tell me things about their lives. Even just small things like what their favorite food is, why that picture is sitting on their dresser, what their favorite kind of music is I just... love it period. I guess that's just how it goes when you love people like I do.
After driving to the movie theatre and playing rock, paper, sissors, we decided to see Prince of Persia and, of course, it was awesome. The only reason why it even kinda sucked was because there was no leg room and because I got very very very tired. After the movie I dropped him back off at home and headed back to my home where my brother and I sat on the trap looking at the stars and talking.
The stars are always so bright in Cedar....
I guess this means that something amazing is always about to occur in Cedar. :)
My parents bought a new boat. It's a pretty cool boat I must say. We ended up picking it up in Hurricane and then taking it to Quail Lake. We had loads of fun... after we all stopped whining and being grouchy HAHA! Man, I loved that heat!! I never thought I would say this, but I miss that ST. George heat. For some reason it's comforting to me. Especially when you are on the lake and the wind is blowing through your hair and the cold water is splashing across your face... pure euphoria. :) Its pretty much legit. I love sitting in the front of the boat and pretending like I can fly. THAT is probably the best part of boating.
After boating we drove back up to Cedar and I decided that I really wanted to hang out with someone... realizing that all of my good friends (namely... Tanner) were out of town, I decided to give another friend of mine a call. I was really nervous for some reason. I tend to get that way sometimes. I can get up on a stage in front of hundreds of people and not feel nervous, but when it comes to calling a boy to hang out... sometimes I freeze. HAHA! That's just me. I am pretty much a walking contradiction in that sense... in fact... in many senses... I'm an introvert yet an extrovert, a person who loves to work yet loves to play... oh well. It's just one of those things that makes me unique. I guess all of us have aspects about ourselves that make us "walking contradictions" don't we?
Well ANYWAY.... after I invited him to a movie I got ready, filled up my gas tank, and drove over to his house. (I looked pretty much like a babe by the way, and I got ready in fifteen minutes! HA HA! I just LOVE days that work out like that) When I got there (after being lost for a long period of time) he introduced me to one of the most amazing creations.... chocolate covered honeycomb... it was amazing.... AH. I love it. After eating it I sat down on this futon by him and watched as he tried to create some cheats for Runescape and play his music. This is another way I contradict myself, I love to talk to people but I am also just as fascinated (if not more fascinated) just by watching them or listening to them. I love it when people feel so comfortable with me, that they all the sudden just tell me things about their lives. Even just small things like what their favorite food is, why that picture is sitting on their dresser, what their favorite kind of music is I just... love it period. I guess that's just how it goes when you love people like I do.
After driving to the movie theatre and playing rock, paper, sissors, we decided to see Prince of Persia and, of course, it was awesome. The only reason why it even kinda sucked was because there was no leg room and because I got very very very tired. After the movie I dropped him back off at home and headed back to my home where my brother and I sat on the trap looking at the stars and talking.
The stars are always so bright in Cedar....
I guess this means that something amazing is always about to occur in Cedar. :)
Thursday, June 3, 2010
BLUGH!!! :(
I feel oober oober sick to my stomach... I just do not feel good at all. I think it's because of this job.... I just don't know about it anymore... I don't really know what to do... it just doesn't seem right. I have always hated salesmen and now... freak... I am one of them. It makes me sick. At first I was way excited. Here I am. I have a great product to show the world. It's good. It's fantastic. It will save you time and money... but I don't think it's right for me to intrude on other's lives selling stuff... I think people should call me... I don't know... I am just really upset right now ya know? There are so many perks and benefits to this job... yet... is it worth it? I have no clue... I just don't wanna be broke.
As a matter of fact....
I don't wanna grow up... I don't want to have to worry about money. I don't want to go out in the world yet. I just don't think i'm ready... I want to be able to go to the lake with my family and not have to go to another training seminar.... I want to be successful... I want to make a difference in lives (which this job could help me to potentially do) but.... this is all so horribly... I don't even freakin...know...
There is a lot of 'I want' in this blog...
Maybe... this job isn't about what I want... maybe... this job is about reaching out beyond myself and willing to make sacrifices to grow as an individual.
To tough out the hard times so I can be successful....
In short, I know my product will help people....and that I can help people as well... why should I be sad or upset? I just need to keep the final goal in mind.
...Don't I...?
Or am I just justifying this all...
I guess only time will tell....
As a matter of fact....
I don't wanna grow up... I don't want to have to worry about money. I don't want to go out in the world yet. I just don't think i'm ready... I want to be able to go to the lake with my family and not have to go to another training seminar.... I want to be successful... I want to make a difference in lives (which this job could help me to potentially do) but.... this is all so horribly... I don't even freakin...know...
There is a lot of 'I want' in this blog...
Maybe... this job isn't about what I want... maybe... this job is about reaching out beyond myself and willing to make sacrifices to grow as an individual.
To tough out the hard times so I can be successful....
In short, I know my product will help people....and that I can help people as well... why should I be sad or upset? I just need to keep the final goal in mind.
...Don't I...?
Or am I just justifying this all...
I guess only time will tell....
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
"I'M IN LOVE...with you.." :) -Moments of Impecible Timing
What happened today that wasn't amazing? Oh yeah! NOTHIN! Today was one of the best days I have had in a very long time. Do you wanna know why? Sweet! Because I am going to tell you why! Well... you see.... I GOT A JOB! Remember the interview I told you about in yesterday's job? Well I had it and ended up getting the job. It's amazing. I am so excited! I start my first day of training tomorrow. Things are looking pretty good for me.
My mother gave me the idea that I should take in my Sterling Scholar portfolio to my interview. Since I haven't had any experience with any other profession, I thought it would be a good thing to have handy and avaliable. In order to have my portfolio for the interview, I drove down to ST. George to get it. I officially love driving to ST. George. It is relaxing and really rather fun. Anyway..... once I got to my house back in ST. George, I walked in, put all the remaining stuff of mine in my car, and my little sisters came home. It was touching.... I love them so much. It was so great to get hugs from them. I have never got so many hugs from those two in my life. It made me feel loved. I really do miss my family.
After I saw my family, I met one of my best friends at Starbucks (like we used to do in the old days) bought some drinks and just talked for a while. I miss talking to that guy on a regular basis. He is one of those people that is just easy to get along with and open up to. He listens to you. He is one of the greatest friends a girl can have! After Starbucks, we headed over to Urban Wear and I bought some stuff, we ate. Made some amazing memories. Such as Eric getting caught by the police for being a cross dresser and creating the most perfect moments. After we were done hanging out, I headed back up to Cedar... I wanted to get some more applications for a few more jobs... my interview was speedily coming!
Walking into my interview was one of the scariest things I have ever done. When I get nervous, I tend to get really really hot and start to sweat.... I don't shake... I just sweat... It was horrible. But fortunately I was able to shake the managers hand without getting my underwear up in a knot (I learned that little phrase from my grandma). After filling out an application, I sat in an interview from 4:00-6:30 doing things such as talking to the manager, and listening to him talk about what we do at the company. At the end of the interview, (which was conducted more like a seminar in front of a group of people [just two of us in this session actually]) he pulled me into his office, looked over some parts of my resume, and then told me he was pleased to give me the job. I was thrilled. My first job I applied for up here at my new home and I get it. This was just suppossed to happen!!! He congratulated me, gave me a letter and sent me one my way. Out of the forty-five people that he interviewed that day only three were chosen... I was one of them. I feel very thankful for this oppertunity.
After I went to an AMAZING session of institute, my sisters called me while I was in Dairy Queen with one of my good friends from up here. It kills me to hear how much they miss me. I miss them so much and just hope that they are happy. I am now starting to realize how hard it is to be away from home and all the ones you love and care about... I don't know how people can do it and stay happy... or do they stay happy? Either way i'm going to try to stay happy and help my little sisters when ever they need me. I better get some sleep! I gotta go run tomorrow AND go to a training seminar! :D
My mother gave me the idea that I should take in my Sterling Scholar portfolio to my interview. Since I haven't had any experience with any other profession, I thought it would be a good thing to have handy and avaliable. In order to have my portfolio for the interview, I drove down to ST. George to get it. I officially love driving to ST. George. It is relaxing and really rather fun. Anyway..... once I got to my house back in ST. George, I walked in, put all the remaining stuff of mine in my car, and my little sisters came home. It was touching.... I love them so much. It was so great to get hugs from them. I have never got so many hugs from those two in my life. It made me feel loved. I really do miss my family.
After I saw my family, I met one of my best friends at Starbucks (like we used to do in the old days) bought some drinks and just talked for a while. I miss talking to that guy on a regular basis. He is one of those people that is just easy to get along with and open up to. He listens to you. He is one of the greatest friends a girl can have! After Starbucks, we headed over to Urban Wear and I bought some stuff, we ate. Made some amazing memories. Such as Eric getting caught by the police for being a cross dresser and creating the most perfect moments. After we were done hanging out, I headed back up to Cedar... I wanted to get some more applications for a few more jobs... my interview was speedily coming!
Walking into my interview was one of the scariest things I have ever done. When I get nervous, I tend to get really really hot and start to sweat.... I don't shake... I just sweat... It was horrible. But fortunately I was able to shake the managers hand without getting my underwear up in a knot (I learned that little phrase from my grandma). After filling out an application, I sat in an interview from 4:00-6:30 doing things such as talking to the manager, and listening to him talk about what we do at the company. At the end of the interview, (which was conducted more like a seminar in front of a group of people [just two of us in this session actually]) he pulled me into his office, looked over some parts of my resume, and then told me he was pleased to give me the job. I was thrilled. My first job I applied for up here at my new home and I get it. This was just suppossed to happen!!! He congratulated me, gave me a letter and sent me one my way. Out of the forty-five people that he interviewed that day only three were chosen... I was one of them. I feel very thankful for this oppertunity.
After I went to an AMAZING session of institute, my sisters called me while I was in Dairy Queen with one of my good friends from up here. It kills me to hear how much they miss me. I miss them so much and just hope that they are happy. I am now starting to realize how hard it is to be away from home and all the ones you love and care about... I don't know how people can do it and stay happy... or do they stay happy? Either way i'm going to try to stay happy and help my little sisters when ever they need me. I better get some sleep! I gotta go run tomorrow AND go to a training seminar! :D
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