How wonderful! HE'S wonderful! :)

I want to write a new blog. I want to tell the world exactly how I feel right now... just... let it out onto a blank computer screen and share what I have found with the world. The desire is there, yet there is no defintive way for me to describe these specific things. This weekend has been a dream. There is no other way to say it. Life took a camera to my... brain... (cough cough) when I was sleeping, recorded all the best moments, and somehow intertwined these seemingly unrelated and magical moments to create this.

A memory.

A dang incredible memory that will always, hold a special place in my heart no matter what happens. Isn't that partiatlly what life is about? Learning how to capture a moment and always appreciate it despite the outcome of a given situation? Well... I think it is. So i'm behind on homework (big deal!) so I don't know what tomorrow holds (so what?). All I know is that I can find happiness even in the smallest moments even if at times I need to use the most powerful "microscope" I can get my hands on.

This memory means a lot to me.

So all I will allow to be posted on my blog today regarding this memory is the following statement:

He is wonderful. He is fantatic. He makes my heart beat faster. He is a good friend and one of the best ways to make my day a little brighter.

Thats all :)

I think it would be appropriate to elaborate on the different events that have recently occured in my life. Today I got a new phone (yay!) my old one was about to die... SOOO... thank heaven I relieved it from it's misery. My room mates and I also squeezed together in a box known as "The Box of Shame" to take an epic picture of peace, love, happiness... AND WAR! (sorry to all of those who don't understand the reasoning for adding war... guess you'll never understand my epicness unless you ask). Ava was a dead rock star and Raquel was a cowgirl for Halloween. They were adorable. I did the make-up (and it was the BEEST). ALSO...I was Ke$ha. It was pretty legit. I enjoyed my time being her. ALTHOUGH I never incorporated her actions into my day to day routine. IF you know her songs you know that it wouldnt be a very wise decision.

Aren't the memories formed in the moments wonderful? :)

"I stop to catch my breath, and I stop to catch your eye. No need to second guess that you've been on my mind" :)

Well! In short, life is fantastically wonderful. It truly is. I have been so lucky. I still consider myself the luckiest girl in the world. I have my down moments, but I am suprised with just how optimistic I have allowed myself to become regarding life. The negatism (notice I didn't say pessimism, I never considered myself to be a pessimist. Just a realist on the more negative side of the scale) in me has started to die. I have began to see Faith become a bigger factor in how I make decisions and react to things. College life has taught me so much. I have learned things that I didn't think I ever needed to learn..... I can honestly say that I am simply content. :) I'm at peace with myself and my savior. I could not ask for anything more.

I got the best calling in church ever! I get to teach Relief Society! How cool is that? I am SO excited for this oppertunity. I get to share my testimony and the various things I have come to learn about the gospel! I was so excited when I got that calling. I really hope I can make a difference. We'll see how this goes! :)

Fall is here in Cedar City! It's beautiful! The cold air, the various colors of leaves... it makes me happy inside. There is so much beauty everywhere here in Cedar City. I love it. There is something about the fall that makes someone feel peaceful... it's as though the old you is getting shed away, preparing you to become something new again. (I know I am a dork with my analogies... but my dorkiness is part of my charm ;) ) I love the smell of the autum air, and the light shade of blue that the sky turns, the way the leaves crunch under your feet. I am starting to think that I like fall more than summer!! I know! It's crazy! Maybe it's just the exciting feeling that something BIG is going to happen soon that makes me like fall... nevertheless, here I am, in Cedar, in LOVE with everything that surrounds me!! :)

I sang a song yesterday at the institute fireside! It was so much fun! I loved being able to do it. I was suprised by the fact that I wasn't that nervous at all. It was fantastic. The only complaint I have is that my hands got really tingly, and my neck got very hot... HAHAHA. SO... I was a little nervous, BUT I think it was the best solo that I have ever had the oppertunity of performing. I got so caught up in the song that I started to choke up at the end.... I love it when music has the ability to make you feel things on a deeper level. "Music has the capacity to touch the innermost reaches of the soul and gives flight to the imagination." As stated so beautifully by Plato, what else in this world can do that?

On another note! I have the BIGGEST crush on this guy. So pretty much he is simply fantastic and talented and wonderful! I have never been so nervous being around a guy! He is so wonderful.... I guess I'll just have to see where things go. In all honesty, it doesn't matter what happens, as long as I learn something then I am good. :) I can sing in front of hundereds of people without screwing up but when it comes to talking to this guy... I kinda freeze up and the real Alexis goes into hibernation while this weird one comes in and takes it's place.... it's lame. HAHAHA! Oh well!! That's whats new!

Magical :) Magical :)

This has been one of those incredible weekends that seems to change your life. I went to see my family for family pictures, realized how much I love my family, and then....

WAM!

Well, I can't really describe in words the amazing change that has occurred in my life. Nothing truly that spectacular happened. As a matter of fact, nothing really happened... but my heart was full. I was happy. I was truly happy. I feel closer to the lord than I have ever felt in a long time... everything is just falling into place. I never thought it would. I always felt as though everything was going to go wrong... but now I know that the lord will help me and guide me to exactly where I need to be.

And no matter what happens.

I will know that the lord loves me.

And wants the best for me.

BESIDES THAT!!! I am sitting in the darkened kitchen of my apartment while four of my room mates are wrestling on the floor, yelling, and taking pictures. HAHAHAAHH! It's fantastic! I have the best room mates in the world. They are beautiful! AMAZING! Spectacular! AND INSPIRATIONAL young women who are helping me become the best I can be. Very few people in this world can say that their room mates their freshman year of college were just perfect for them. These girls are among my best friends and I am so happy for them. They are the best. Period.

Eliza has a boyfriend (who is amazing), Rachel has a boyfriend (who is amazing), and the rest of us enjoy our spare time laughing and going to ST. George, and loving and all sorts of fun stuff. Life is great.

I also gave my phone number to my waiter at brick oven pizza this past week. He was really cute! I like my forward nature sometimes! Everything is just working out! Yay life!

I miss home :\

I really like college. I really really do. It's great. The life style and being on my own is just what a girl like me needs. I need to be independent and college has given me the opportunity to do so. Yet, despite the good time I am having, I can't help but reminisce... I really miss home.

I miss being in St. George and being surrounded by my family down there. There was something about St. George.. there was this magic it had to it. It will always be my home and nothing will ever really compare. I didn't take advantage of what I had down there. I was always so keen set on getting out of there that I didn't enjoy life as it came. I miss home. And I wish that I could have the opportunity to re-do high school knowing what I know now... but... that's behind me now and I am thankful for all the lessons I learned. They were HARD but... are going to contribute to the woman I am supposed to become.

I've changed. I feel like a different person. Everything is going great. I'm peaceful and content which is more than I have felt in a long time. God has blessed me so much. :)

Lessons Learned :)

Well... unfortunately... I am sad to report that Dan and I broke up. It's over. It's done. Period. It's been a little over three weeks now. I think that is why I haven't written lately. It's just been hard for me to write things down. I just... didn't know what to say.

But now I do.

He has a girlfriend now. Good for him. She's a pretty girl who is good for him. I'm very happy for him. She will give him what I could never give him. Just as there were things that he could have never given me. The point is, it was for the best. I have regrets... I handled the break-up poorly... I said some stupid things... I did some stupid things. And sometimes, although something may be the best option it doesn't make it any easier to accept and it doesn't change the pain that comes from losing someone you care about.

Yeah. There are days where I miss him... there are moments when I want him back. I gave him a lot of my heart, but what is the use in being sad? What is the use of being lonely? I am STILL and will ALWAYS be the luckiest girl in the world. I have a family who loves me, room mates who are PERFECT for me, I'm attending the college of my dreams, and I am heading towards becoming the woman I am supposed to be. What more could I possibly ask for?

College has been stressful. The emotions have been running high. The whole break-up, the theatre department, my future, managing my time, finances, and so much have really put a strain on me. This week has been hard. It didn't help that I was sick this last weekend either. Lately I've realized something though. People have been telling me for a long time the things that I do wrong in relationships and life. I have always been told that my approach to things is wrong. Whether or not you agree with this statement, I have found one thing to be true.

It doesn't matter what they say.

Maybe I do make some mistakes. BUT THAT IS INEVITABLE IN HUMAN NATURE. Some of these so called "mistakes" actually define me as an individual. I have a huge heart. I am honest about how I feel. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I also refuse to let my fear of hurting others stand in the way of telling them the truth regarding how I feel. I ask you...

Is that so wrong?

Yes... I do get hurt....

Yes... I do face a lot of disappointment.

But WHY should I change ALL of my behaviors? (notice I emphasize all because SOME behaviors do need to be changed)

Because I don't want to get hurt? That's not a good enough answer for me.

One day it is those qualities that will make a guy realize that he loves me. I have already seen that happen once before in my life... a long time ago... That ended because he simply was not ready...

Not because I did something wrong.

I am me.

I will make my own choices and I will make my own mistakes. But I refuse to let fear of pain and disappointment stand in the way of creating something amazing or creating something beautiful.

I'm better than that...

In fact... we all are...

So why do we let our fears stand in our way?

P.S. If you ever end up reading this Dan... I want you to know that I am sorry. Treat her well Dan. She deserves it. AND... don't sell yourself short of anything less than what you can become.

Next chapter in my life! HERE I COME! :)

ROOMMATES!!!! :D

Almost all of my roommates have moved into the apartment. I am so surprised. I thought that I wouldn't do to well, but I already adore all of them and think that they are adorable. I am so excited for the school year! With my Dan (boyfriend), my friends, my roommates, my classes... AH life is going to rock! I just hope that I can hold onto all of what I have recently obtained. Sometimes it's hard to accept change, but I have noticed that the changes that have happened to me lately in my life have brought me the most happiness. Man! I love change... sometimes. hahah.

I applied for nine theatre jobs at the school yesterday. NINE. My hand was dead by the end of filling all of them out. I also made this really really REALLY legit resume that I freaking LOVE. I hope that all of those theatre people at the college can adore my resume and give me a couple jobs. It would make me oober happy. I like jobs. Jobs are good. Especially when they are involved in the theatre department.

Makenzie bought me wine glasses at the DI today. They are freakin LEGIT. Can I just say how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE wine glasses. Once I get out on my own entirely, all of my cups will consist of wine glasses. They make me happy. :)

Well. Dan is freakin incredible... I adore the man and think that he is by far one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. I guess we will just have to see where life will go. The only thing that I can predict is that life is going to change... how it's going to change...I guess I will never know.... We will see :)

"If you're lucky enough to be in the mountains, you're lucky enough."

Life has an interesting way of totally throwing me off guard and giving me a taste of something that I never expected to happen. Remember that boy I talked about? Well, we are back together again. All the little "break-ups" that we have had have been good for us, and made us realize how much we really care about each other. It's nice. I am not oober twitter patted like I have been in the past, but every time I see him or talk to him my heart beats a little faster and I feel a little more light headed. Being with him is... comforting and... peaceful. I can't help but know that I am doing the right thing and I absolutely love it.

I went to a cabin with my boyfriend and some friends up north. It was a blast. I have missed the mountains. Being with my man helped build our relationship... I don't know. It was just good to be with him those couple of days and just... appreciate him even more. Yay for cabins and camping!

So my room mate just moved into my apartment today... or should I say is currently moving into my apartment. I like her. She is way cool and I have a good feeling about her. I think his school year will be fan-freakin-tastic!!! :)

Well! I am starving and I need to go turn in some job applications so I am going to cut this blog short. Talk to you soon!

"You're like a hippy!"

The break-up itself was rough. I must admit. I did not like it. And I spent a lot of time yesterday feeling sorry for myself. Not cool. I know. But I decided that I was going to go out and have a good time with friends, so I threw on some decently cute clothes and went over to the Staheli's house. I did talk about him a lot but I was happy. It made me feel better.

I was suprised just how much a positive attitude and deciding to be happy can impact your life. It won't always fix everything but it can sure make a difference. It's like what one of my favorite songs states, "And there are dreams that can not be, and there are storms we can not whither." Things won't ALWAYS go better, but we should at least always try to make them better.

Last night I texted this guy named Paul about fixing my car and he ended up coming over this morning to take a look at the car. There are some people in this world who make you laugh. Paul is one of those people who is just awesome and easy to talk to. It made my day. Although I got some serious road rage because people drive to slow and I couldn't find the freakin' school he works at, him fixing my car and taking the time to do it has pretty much made my day. Thank you people!

Hopefully this weekend I will be partying it up hard core at some institute dances or what not. I need to go out and have some funn!!! :D YAY!

I can't stop thinking... I can't stop feeling...

Today has to be one of the hardest days I have had up here in Cedar. I mean. It's been horrible. I'm tired. I'm worn out. I just want to hang out with a friend, but no one is there. . . Everyone is working. This whole breaking up thing is harder than I remember. I think it's just taking a little longer for me to bounce out of it. Maybe it's a combination of a lot of things that is making me feel terrible. What ever it is, I would really like for it to stop now.

Last night there were a lot of stars in the sky. That is an EXCELLENT sign. . . it means something big is going to happen. Lately I haven's seen many stars in the sky, so you can only imagine the pure euphoria racing through my veins as I looked up into the sky. Something is coming. Something is coming soon. I wonder what it is.

I got new pots and pans today from my grandma and grandpa. I was pretty excited. It was nice to be able to make something on the stove for once. I was getting sick and tired of cereal and spaghettio's so... yeah. HA HA.

You know.. College starts really soon. Tanner told me on the phone today that it is going to be the start of a new life for me. It's not going to be anything like the summer. I'll meet new people. And i'll do new things. I am really lookign forward to that day. I feel as though... I use up all my experiences so fast and so much that once I have sucked all the life I can out of something... there isn't anything left.... I am a life sucker aparently. Hmmm. I don't know whether to consider that a good thing or a bad thing.

Well, wish me luck. :)

gg

And then there was one

I dated this boy. I know, I know. It's ridiculous. I'm always dating a boy. I always like someone. Why in the world would I start a blog off with that kind of a statement. It's almost like saying "the sun shines in the sky" or "grass is green". But despite the banality in this statement, there is a new twist to it in my life. This new boy brought something new to the statement "I dated a boy". Something I didn't expect to ever feel. Especially with this boy in particular.

I have always found it facinating how life works. I had always found this boy particularly attractive but never really thought more of it. He would text me and invite me to stuff every now and then, but I usually had another boy up my sleeve. One that I liked more at the time. Little did I know that this young man had liked me for a while and just wanted to get to know me better. I often wonder what would have happened if I would have started dating him a little sooner. Would the outcome have been different?

Well, it all started a week or so ago when I went to his house for dinner. He flirted with me and such, we walked, we talked, we ate and I started to like him. All the time though something felt wrong about dating him... but I decided that I needed to get to know him better before I made such a rash decision to cut him off. Despite my feeling, I also felt that this guy was a great guy and that he was ok to date....

In short...

I dated him...

I let him go because it didn't feel right...

I realized that he was great for me...

He came back...

Then before I knew it...

He was gone.

I was mad. I was upset.... and as a matter of fact... I still sorta am... Well not the mad part, now I am just saddened. You know, he was really a great... no an incredible guy who respected and cared about me... as a matter of fact he still does just he also thought that it didn't feel right. Man. It sucks to get a taste of your own medicine. I am not sure exactly what I was suppossed to learn yet... that will come with time... but all I know is that... everything is going to be okay.

Isn't that always a comforting knowledge?

Night Games+FRIENDS!+Laughs+Fire Dancing+Smores+Bon Fires+Camp Outs+Charcoal Tin Foil Dinners=A FANTASTIC LIFE

So... I haven't written in here in a while. I know. It should be counted as a sin right?? HAHA! Especially after all the great things that have happened to me. I am the luckiest girl in the world. I have some new friends! They are simply... awesome... :) there are tons that I can talk about, but for the sake of keeping this blog short and to the point I will talk about two.

Makenzie and Kaeli are two of the best friends a girl can ask for up here. The two keep me grounded and active and adore me for who I am. (I adore them for everything they are as well) It was mine and Makenzie's birthdays this past week, so in order to celebrate we had a camp out at the Stahaeli's on Friday night and a Bonn Fire on Saturday. It was so much fun! It's been great being able to be up here and just have fun with new friends. Kelci and I made a fire dance while a bunch of us girls talked about life. What's so great about my new set of friends is that they all go to church and are such good examples to me. I had the honor and privilege of watching one of my friends Brady give another friend of mine a blessing. It's awesome that I have found a group of people who take the gospel so seriously. Speaking of which... I better make my way to church here pretty soon. :)

I also got a job at a little bed and breakfast. It's nice. I like it. But the job that I love more is at the Shakespeare Festival. I get to direct a bunch of little kids in a Shakespeare scene to be performed on Saturday. It's SO nice to be directing again. Very few things make me feel happier than knowing that I can make a difference in lives and help them grow. Well.. I need to get going! SEE YA!

CHOCOLATE FUDGE!! (if you didn't already know.. that's my new name)

I know. I know it has been a while since my last blog. In reality, nothing happened to me that inspired me enough to write a new blog. I wasn't drawn to the computer like I had been in the past to type a few words to illuminate from a computer screen. In fact, life was simply boring for a while. I was getting scared (notice that 'a while' was only between two days to a week...hmmm) that life was passing me by and I was missing something. I was second guessing my decision to come here or even come to college... until approximately 7:42 this evening (oh yeah... I am THAT accurate)

There was a YSA (Young Single Adults) BBQ get together at a golf course here in Cedar. I was really nervous to go. I was tempted not to go. I just wanted to cuddle up in my own ball and ignore the world. I guess you can say that I was afraid of disappointment... I didn't want to go to this thing, meet no one, talk to no one, and then leave as pathetic as I was when I came. Despite my fear, I decided to go. After having a hard time finding the place (and a little help from my bishop) I go there. It was all rather unfortunate at first, I didn't have the nerve to talk to anyone... I felt so out of my element. I am used to high school students and such... I was confident around them. These older people made me feel.... insignifigant. It was weird. Finally I gathered up the nerve to introduce myself to these two girls who eventually just left me. HA! Yeah. It started off pretty bad.... all up until my biship started talking to me.... and then this other guy joined and then this amazingly radiant spark of sunshine started talking to all of us.

Mackenzie was her name and I freakin adore the girl. So anyway, we started talking about theatre and after getting food I sat by her and her friend Kaeli. It was AWESOME! We just laughed and had a ball!! They were so adorable! Then they asked me to go to a friends house to watch Up! I felt so cool! After the movie we went to Wal Mart, bought ice cream, talked about boys, went to Mackenzie's apartment, then invaded this other persons apartment and watched TV with them. AH! It was so much fun!I had just barely met these girls and I feel as though I have known them my whole life! It's SO NICE TO HAVE SOME GIRLFRIENDS UP IN CEDAR!!! I am FINALLY getting somewhere here! HAHAH! Thank heaven for church sponsored activities and doing things even though they scare you! Sometimes those things will bring you the most happiest and you will reap so much more. I love it. A new life lesson every day!!

You Belong With Me!! :D (has nothing to do with my post but i'm listening to the song)

SO... basically.... ya know... life rocks... as it always has... and I must admit some pretty awesome things have happened to me. The opening ceremonies for the summer games were LEGIT. I have to say, I loved it. The fireworks were awesome, and what are fireworks without my good buddy TANNER!! :)

My car is kinda fine now.... She gets around the best she can and hasn't broke down on me... yet. BAHAH! Cedar is fun. But I can't help but feel as though something is missing...

Something big is missing...

It's as though there is this big hole in my identity...

I don't like it but I get by. I still remain happy. I am pretty proud of my optimistic attitute. I remember how depressed I used to get a couple years ago... I guess that's what's expected when a very important person leaves in your life. I still think about it sometimes... but I look forward to the future.

I keep myself busy all the time. I spend each day cleaning, reading, creating, writing, looking for jobs, and hanging out with my buddies. I like it. I like it a lot. Just same as always, something is missing. Is it normal to feel that way?

R.I.P. Thelma Gertrude-A piece of crap but amazing car

Thelma finished her life on the side of I-15 on the way to Cedar City. Now she sits all alone on the side of a road... with my phone charger and book shelf in it... AHHHHHHHH! :( It's very upsetting. It seems as though everything that can go wrong JUST went wrong this weekend. Why? Hmmm... Maybe I should start to read a book...

Well, just thought I would say that for a moment. I am just so upset that I probably won't have a car to drive anymore... not a very good thing... well one good thing happened... I am just happy that people are willing to pick up my phone calls when they are asleep and talk to me (If you read this, thank you, you made my day and helped me stay sane!)

I. Love. Life. :)

Sigh... Saint George :) Hewwo Home :)

Sigh... It is SO good to be back in Saint George. I love it here. I finally get to feel the heat and be surrounded by the various locations and memories that helped turn me into the person who I am today. I am rather sentimental. I enjoy it though. To bad getting here wasn't as amazing as getting here, let me tell you, THAT was a doozy of a story.

My car broke down... three times today. Good old Thelma Gertrude just didn't have it in her to make the long trip to St. George. You should have seen me. I was so upset. I thought that my car was going to totally die and I wouldn't be able to get any form of transportation. It's insane. Now the only thing that seems to occupy my thoughts is money and where it will come from next. One stress leads to another as you get older.

Fortunately, my car did not break down to the point where it wouldn't work (what a relief). I am just not supposed to drive it from St. George to Cedar anymore and I am okay with that. As long as I have a car to get me to work and back in College I think I will be all set.

Once I got settled, I texted my friends and we decided to have a little get together at her house. Before I went over though, I walked around good old Desert Hills High School. Have you ever walked around your high school during the summer? It has a totally different... spirit to it. Especially mine. It seems as though everything is happy and amazing at that school during the summer. I remember all the dreams I had. All the things that I thought I wanted to do. Now as I look back, I have come to realize that although I didn't get to do everything I wanted to do, I still grew into the person I wanted to become (well.... almost... growing into that person will take a whole lot more time than just four years of high school)

After walking around the amazing Desert Hills High School, I went to my friends house and showed all the girls some pictures of the guy that I like... he is adorable and so freakin cute! haahah (they approve... to bad my sister doesn't). I miss these guys. We had so much fun! We made some pudding dessert stuff with my friend's parents while Kameron and I had a competition and came up with a new television show (which hopefully will air this Monday on Youtube, you won't want to miss that one). The park was pretty legit too! I ran through the water.... with my clothes on... and took pictures. HAHAH we had so much fun! Kameron is now officially one of my new favorite people. It was nice to see all my friends again. They are really good people who care about me a lot. I miss you guys and wish you all the happiness in the world. People as amazing as you deserve the world!! (Hailee, you would be like my favorite pair of earrings because your beautiful and I always want them to be close to me. :) I hope I can find friends this amazingly wonderful and positively influential in college!! :D

The Final Decision... and CHOCOLATE COVERED HONEYCOMB:)

I quit my job yesterday. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. The decision was a tough one, that's for sure. But in the end, I made the right choice. Sometimes you have to do what feels right even if that means going against all logic. I think part of growing up is learning how to trust your feelings and know when it's appropriate to go with what your mind is telling you. It's like this quote from the movie Prince of Persia "A true king listens to the advice of council but always follows his heart." I followed my heart and I feel so much better. It's as though a weight was lifted off my shoulders. One lesson down, fifty trillion to go ...(well... maybe not QUITE that many)

My parents bought a new boat. It's a pretty cool boat I must say. We ended up picking it up in Hurricane and then taking it to Quail Lake. We had loads of fun... after we all stopped whining and being grouchy HAHA! Man, I loved that heat!! I never thought I would say this, but I miss that ST. George heat. For some reason it's comforting to me. Especially when you are on the lake and the wind is blowing through your hair and the cold water is splashing across your face... pure euphoria. :) Its pretty much legit. I love sitting in the front of the boat and pretending like I can fly. THAT is probably the best part of boating.

After boating we drove back up to Cedar and I decided that I really wanted to hang out with someone... realizing that all of my good friends (namely... Tanner) were out of town, I decided to give another friend of mine a call. I was really nervous for some reason. I tend to get that way sometimes. I can get up on a stage in front of hundreds of people and not feel nervous, but when it comes to calling a boy to hang out... sometimes I freeze. HAHA! That's just me. I am pretty much a walking contradiction in that sense... in fact... in many senses... I'm an introvert yet an extrovert, a person who loves to work yet loves to play... oh well. It's just one of those things that makes me unique. I guess all of us have aspects about ourselves that make us "walking contradictions" don't we?

Well ANYWAY.... after I invited him to a movie I got ready, filled up my gas tank, and drove over to his house. (I looked pretty much like a babe by the way, and I got ready in fifteen minutes! HA HA! I just LOVE days that work out like that) When I got there (after being lost for a long period of time) he introduced me to one of the most amazing creations.... chocolate covered honeycomb... it was amazing.... AH. I love it. After eating it I sat down on this futon by him and watched as he tried to create some cheats for Runescape and play his music. This is another way I contradict myself, I love to talk to people but I am also just as fascinated (if not more fascinated) just by watching them or listening to them. I love it when people feel so comfortable with me, that they all the sudden just tell me things about their lives. Even just small things like what their favorite food is, why that picture is sitting on their dresser, what their favorite kind of music is I just... love it period. I guess that's just how it goes when you love people like I do.

After driving to the movie theatre and playing rock, paper, sissors, we decided to see Prince of Persia and, of course, it was awesome. The only reason why it even kinda sucked was because there was no leg room and because I got very very very tired. After the movie I dropped him back off at home and headed back to my home where my brother and I sat on the trap looking at the stars and talking.

The stars are always so bright in Cedar....

I guess this means that something amazing is always about to occur in Cedar. :)

BLUGH!!! :(

I feel oober oober sick to my stomach... I just do not feel good at all. I think it's because of this job.... I just don't know about it anymore... I don't really know what to do... it just doesn't seem right. I have always hated salesmen and now... freak... I am one of them. It makes me sick. At first I was way excited. Here I am. I have a great product to show the world. It's good. It's fantastic. It will save you time and money... but I don't think it's right for me to intrude on other's lives selling stuff... I think people should call me... I don't know... I am just really upset right now ya know? There are so many perks and benefits to this job... yet... is it worth it? I have no clue... I just don't wanna be broke.

As a matter of fact....

I don't wanna grow up... I don't want to have to worry about money. I don't want to go out in the world yet. I just don't think i'm ready... I want to be able to go to the lake with my family and not have to go to another training seminar.... I want to be successful... I want to make a difference in lives (which this job could help me to potentially do) but.... this is all so horribly... I don't even freakin...know...

There is a lot of 'I want' in this blog...

Maybe... this job isn't about what I want... maybe... this job is about reaching out beyond myself and willing to make sacrifices to grow as an individual.

To tough out the hard times so I can be successful....

In short, I know my product will help people....and that I can help people as well... why should I be sad or upset? I just need to keep the final goal in mind.

...Don't I...?

Or am I just justifying this all...

I guess only time will tell....

"I'M IN LOVE...with you.." :) -Moments of Impecible Timing

What happened today that wasn't amazing? Oh yeah! NOTHIN! Today was one of the best days I have had in a very long time. Do you wanna know why? Sweet! Because I am going to tell you why! Well... you see.... I GOT A JOB! Remember the interview I told you about in yesterday's job? Well I had it and ended up getting the job. It's amazing. I am so excited! I start my first day of training tomorrow. Things are looking pretty good for me.

My mother gave me the idea that I should take in my Sterling Scholar portfolio to my interview. Since I haven't had any experience with any other profession, I thought it would be a good thing to have handy and avaliable. In order to have my portfolio for the interview, I drove down to ST. George to get it. I officially love driving to ST. George. It is relaxing and really rather fun. Anyway..... once I got to my house back in ST. George, I walked in, put all the remaining stuff of mine in my car, and my little sisters came home. It was touching.... I love them so much. It was so great to get hugs from them. I have never got so many hugs from those two in my life. It made me feel loved. I really do miss my family.

After I saw my family, I met one of my best friends at Starbucks (like we used to do in the old days) bought some drinks and just talked for a while. I miss talking to that guy on a regular basis. He is one of those people that is just easy to get along with and open up to. He listens to you. He is one of the greatest friends a girl can have! After Starbucks, we headed over to Urban Wear and I bought some stuff, we ate. Made some amazing memories. Such as Eric getting caught by the police for being a cross dresser and creating the most perfect moments. After we were done hanging out, I headed back up to Cedar... I wanted to get some more applications for a few more jobs... my interview was speedily coming!

Walking into my interview was one of the scariest things I have ever done. When I get nervous, I tend to get really really hot and start to sweat.... I don't shake... I just sweat... It was horrible. But fortunately I was able to shake the managers hand without getting my underwear up in a knot (I learned that little phrase from my grandma). After filling out an application, I sat in an interview from 4:00-6:30 doing things such as talking to the manager, and listening to him talk about what we do at the company. At the end of the interview, (which was conducted more like a seminar in front of a group of people [just two of us in this session actually]) he pulled me into his office, looked over some parts of my resume, and then told me he was pleased to give me the job. I was thrilled. My first job I applied for up here at my new home and I get it. This was just suppossed to happen!!! He congratulated me, gave me a letter and sent me one my way. Out of the forty-five people that he interviewed that day only three were chosen... I was one of them. I feel very thankful for this oppertunity.

After I went to an AMAZING session of institute, my sisters called me while I was in Dairy Queen with one of my good friends from up here. It kills me to hear how much they miss me. I miss them so much and just hope that they are happy. I am now starting to realize how hard it is to be away from home and all the ones you love and care about... I don't know how people can do it and stay happy... or do they stay happy? Either way i'm going to try to stay happy and help my little sisters when ever they need me. I better get some sleep! I gotta go run tomorrow AND go to a training seminar! :D

Boys and Snowcones. :D

Snow cones. Who ever knew that I could be so happy getting one? I for dang sure didn't. I mean... I always have liked them... who doesn't? Isn't that against an American law? HA! Anyway, after experiencing a rather stressful day filled with dropping my phone in water and doing a lot of laundry, and ironing a shirt for freakin ever! My brother texted me and asked me if I wanted to go get a snow cone with him and his friends... how could I resist?

After getting in the car with my brother's friends, we drove over to my parents house to get money then over to the snow shack (or... whatever these Cedar people call them... it's different up here) my brother's friends are so cool. They make me smile. They make me laugh. They are just... awesome (for lack of a better word) Cedar guys are simply the shiz. Most of them are just all around good guys. I'm excited for college now. I am also looking forward to getting to know my brother's friends more.. is that really weird?

Vector Marketing called me today. I have an interview scheduled with them tommorrow afternoon. WISH ME LUCK!! I really hope I get this job... my first job interview... wow... i'm so... AHHH! :D :D :D I would like to say thank you to boys, snowcones, and Cedar. Life is going great.

Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it!

So last night I went to a dance. You know. One of those dances where the flashing lights and lasers always penetrating your eyes makes you want to crawl on the floor and have a seizure. Yeah. THAT kind. It was pretty cool. The best part about these horribly lit dances is that you can look like an idiot and do what ever you want and no one can see you to make fun of you(sprinkler it up baby!)! That's not why they dim the lights down... but HEY that's how I used them.

I had way to much on my mind last night. You know that feeling you get when you leave some place (or never talk to someone again) and you still have some loose strings to tie? I feel like that. It's disheartening. Very disheartening. For the first time in a long time I was quiet and socially awkward... I need to write in my journal more. BAHAH!

I bowled a 62 last night before the dance.... YEP. I am that good. Many of you would be pleased to hear that I used my nickname "mama" as my name while I was bowling... to bad it made me LOSE! haha just kidding. My lack of good bowling skills made me lose. Fortunately, this bowling alley is close to home and costs less than a movie so in no time... I will be a pro! Step aside sucker (sucker should be said like a white girl trying to hard to sound like a black boy [yes... I DID just say black boy]{HA HA HA HA})!!

The search is on for a job... I was kinda an idiot thinking I could get a job over memorial day weekend... I am special. I called this one place to schedule an interview and, of course, they were closed. How is a broke pre-college student supposed to support herself and pay for gas without a job! AH! The stresses of money are hitting me already! SHOOT! Look at me all growing up...

First day away from home...

Well, today is my first official day living in Cedar. Exciting, I know! But it is also extremely frightening. It's kinda weird being away from home. For the first time in my life I am sitting at the computer all day searching for jobs. It's crazy... I am now officially going out in the world to make something of myself. I like it. It's about freaking time!

I was up until about 2:30 this morning putting a desk together. It's pretty legit. I bought it at Wal-Mart yesterday for about $40. I love it. There is something about putting your own desk together bought with your own money that gives you a sense of pride. I like feeling like an adult, but to tell you the truth it makes me feel VERY uncomfortable. I have gone from hanging out with freshman (don't get me wrong guys I love you with every fiber of my being) to entering the adult world in a matter of days. Talk about reality slapping you in the face! It was like... PAOW! Sorry Alexis, can't let you be a kid anymore. Time to grow up... I can't decide yet if I like it.

MY ROOM IS ALMOST DONE! Let me tell you! I got in here and got STUFF DONE! It's pretty much legit! In my 27 or so hours that I have been in Cedar, I have successfully put a desk together, organized a closet, hung up a cork board and white board, organized a bathroom, gone to a graduation, saw Prince of Persia (which was bomb by the way), printed out some pictures, started a blog, and applied for a job. I know... I am pretty much ridiculously cool AND a babe! (I love you Megan!)

In closing I miss St. George already. I miss the lack of wind, the sun, the heat, the people, my freshman, my best friends, my life, my theatre, but most importantly my family. Life will be different for me up here... but I will take it by the horns and... attack? (I don't know how that analogy is supposed to end.. hahaha) Wish me luck!!