How wonderful! HE'S wonderful! :)

I want to write a new blog. I want to tell the world exactly how I feel right now... just... let it out onto a blank computer screen and share what I have found with the world. The desire is there, yet there is no defintive way for me to describe these specific things. This weekend has been a dream. There is no other way to say it. Life took a camera to my... brain... (cough cough) when I was sleeping, recorded all the best moments, and somehow intertwined these seemingly unrelated and magical moments to create this.

A memory.

A dang incredible memory that will always, hold a special place in my heart no matter what happens. Isn't that partiatlly what life is about? Learning how to capture a moment and always appreciate it despite the outcome of a given situation? Well... I think it is. So i'm behind on homework (big deal!) so I don't know what tomorrow holds (so what?). All I know is that I can find happiness even in the smallest moments even if at times I need to use the most powerful "microscope" I can get my hands on.

This memory means a lot to me.

So all I will allow to be posted on my blog today regarding this memory is the following statement:

He is wonderful. He is fantatic. He makes my heart beat faster. He is a good friend and one of the best ways to make my day a little brighter.

Thats all :)

I think it would be appropriate to elaborate on the different events that have recently occured in my life. Today I got a new phone (yay!) my old one was about to die... SOOO... thank heaven I relieved it from it's misery. My room mates and I also squeezed together in a box known as "The Box of Shame" to take an epic picture of peace, love, happiness... AND WAR! (sorry to all of those who don't understand the reasoning for adding war... guess you'll never understand my epicness unless you ask). Ava was a dead rock star and Raquel was a cowgirl for Halloween. They were adorable. I did the make-up (and it was the BEEST). ALSO...I was Ke$ha. It was pretty legit. I enjoyed my time being her. ALTHOUGH I never incorporated her actions into my day to day routine. IF you know her songs you know that it wouldnt be a very wise decision.

Aren't the memories formed in the moments wonderful? :)

"I stop to catch my breath, and I stop to catch your eye. No need to second guess that you've been on my mind" :)

Well! In short, life is fantastically wonderful. It truly is. I have been so lucky. I still consider myself the luckiest girl in the world. I have my down moments, but I am suprised with just how optimistic I have allowed myself to become regarding life. The negatism (notice I didn't say pessimism, I never considered myself to be a pessimist. Just a realist on the more negative side of the scale) in me has started to die. I have began to see Faith become a bigger factor in how I make decisions and react to things. College life has taught me so much. I have learned things that I didn't think I ever needed to learn..... I can honestly say that I am simply content. :) I'm at peace with myself and my savior. I could not ask for anything more.

I got the best calling in church ever! I get to teach Relief Society! How cool is that? I am SO excited for this oppertunity. I get to share my testimony and the various things I have come to learn about the gospel! I was so excited when I got that calling. I really hope I can make a difference. We'll see how this goes! :)

Fall is here in Cedar City! It's beautiful! The cold air, the various colors of leaves... it makes me happy inside. There is so much beauty everywhere here in Cedar City. I love it. There is something about the fall that makes someone feel peaceful... it's as though the old you is getting shed away, preparing you to become something new again. (I know I am a dork with my analogies... but my dorkiness is part of my charm ;) ) I love the smell of the autum air, and the light shade of blue that the sky turns, the way the leaves crunch under your feet. I am starting to think that I like fall more than summer!! I know! It's crazy! Maybe it's just the exciting feeling that something BIG is going to happen soon that makes me like fall... nevertheless, here I am, in Cedar, in LOVE with everything that surrounds me!! :)

I sang a song yesterday at the institute fireside! It was so much fun! I loved being able to do it. I was suprised by the fact that I wasn't that nervous at all. It was fantastic. The only complaint I have is that my hands got really tingly, and my neck got very hot... HAHAHA. SO... I was a little nervous, BUT I think it was the best solo that I have ever had the oppertunity of performing. I got so caught up in the song that I started to choke up at the end.... I love it when music has the ability to make you feel things on a deeper level. "Music has the capacity to touch the innermost reaches of the soul and gives flight to the imagination." As stated so beautifully by Plato, what else in this world can do that?

On another note! I have the BIGGEST crush on this guy. So pretty much he is simply fantastic and talented and wonderful! I have never been so nervous being around a guy! He is so wonderful.... I guess I'll just have to see where things go. In all honesty, it doesn't matter what happens, as long as I learn something then I am good. :) I can sing in front of hundereds of people without screwing up but when it comes to talking to this guy... I kinda freeze up and the real Alexis goes into hibernation while this weird one comes in and takes it's place.... it's lame. HAHAHA! Oh well!! That's whats new!

Magical :) Magical :)

This has been one of those incredible weekends that seems to change your life. I went to see my family for family pictures, realized how much I love my family, and then....

WAM!

Well, I can't really describe in words the amazing change that has occurred in my life. Nothing truly that spectacular happened. As a matter of fact, nothing really happened... but my heart was full. I was happy. I was truly happy. I feel closer to the lord than I have ever felt in a long time... everything is just falling into place. I never thought it would. I always felt as though everything was going to go wrong... but now I know that the lord will help me and guide me to exactly where I need to be.

And no matter what happens.

I will know that the lord loves me.

And wants the best for me.

BESIDES THAT!!! I am sitting in the darkened kitchen of my apartment while four of my room mates are wrestling on the floor, yelling, and taking pictures. HAHAHAAHH! It's fantastic! I have the best room mates in the world. They are beautiful! AMAZING! Spectacular! AND INSPIRATIONAL young women who are helping me become the best I can be. Very few people in this world can say that their room mates their freshman year of college were just perfect for them. These girls are among my best friends and I am so happy for them. They are the best. Period.

Eliza has a boyfriend (who is amazing), Rachel has a boyfriend (who is amazing), and the rest of us enjoy our spare time laughing and going to ST. George, and loving and all sorts of fun stuff. Life is great.

I also gave my phone number to my waiter at brick oven pizza this past week. He was really cute! I like my forward nature sometimes! Everything is just working out! Yay life!

I miss home :\

I really like college. I really really do. It's great. The life style and being on my own is just what a girl like me needs. I need to be independent and college has given me the opportunity to do so. Yet, despite the good time I am having, I can't help but reminisce... I really miss home.

I miss being in St. George and being surrounded by my family down there. There was something about St. George.. there was this magic it had to it. It will always be my home and nothing will ever really compare. I didn't take advantage of what I had down there. I was always so keen set on getting out of there that I didn't enjoy life as it came. I miss home. And I wish that I could have the opportunity to re-do high school knowing what I know now... but... that's behind me now and I am thankful for all the lessons I learned. They were HARD but... are going to contribute to the woman I am supposed to become.

I've changed. I feel like a different person. Everything is going great. I'm peaceful and content which is more than I have felt in a long time. God has blessed me so much. :)

Lessons Learned :)

Well... unfortunately... I am sad to report that Dan and I broke up. It's over. It's done. Period. It's been a little over three weeks now. I think that is why I haven't written lately. It's just been hard for me to write things down. I just... didn't know what to say.

But now I do.

He has a girlfriend now. Good for him. She's a pretty girl who is good for him. I'm very happy for him. She will give him what I could never give him. Just as there were things that he could have never given me. The point is, it was for the best. I have regrets... I handled the break-up poorly... I said some stupid things... I did some stupid things. And sometimes, although something may be the best option it doesn't make it any easier to accept and it doesn't change the pain that comes from losing someone you care about.

Yeah. There are days where I miss him... there are moments when I want him back. I gave him a lot of my heart, but what is the use in being sad? What is the use of being lonely? I am STILL and will ALWAYS be the luckiest girl in the world. I have a family who loves me, room mates who are PERFECT for me, I'm attending the college of my dreams, and I am heading towards becoming the woman I am supposed to be. What more could I possibly ask for?

College has been stressful. The emotions have been running high. The whole break-up, the theatre department, my future, managing my time, finances, and so much have really put a strain on me. This week has been hard. It didn't help that I was sick this last weekend either. Lately I've realized something though. People have been telling me for a long time the things that I do wrong in relationships and life. I have always been told that my approach to things is wrong. Whether or not you agree with this statement, I have found one thing to be true.

It doesn't matter what they say.

Maybe I do make some mistakes. BUT THAT IS INEVITABLE IN HUMAN NATURE. Some of these so called "mistakes" actually define me as an individual. I have a huge heart. I am honest about how I feel. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I also refuse to let my fear of hurting others stand in the way of telling them the truth regarding how I feel. I ask you...

Is that so wrong?

Yes... I do get hurt....

Yes... I do face a lot of disappointment.

But WHY should I change ALL of my behaviors? (notice I emphasize all because SOME behaviors do need to be changed)

Because I don't want to get hurt? That's not a good enough answer for me.

One day it is those qualities that will make a guy realize that he loves me. I have already seen that happen once before in my life... a long time ago... That ended because he simply was not ready...

Not because I did something wrong.

I am me.

I will make my own choices and I will make my own mistakes. But I refuse to let fear of pain and disappointment stand in the way of creating something amazing or creating something beautiful.

I'm better than that...

In fact... we all are...

So why do we let our fears stand in our way?

P.S. If you ever end up reading this Dan... I want you to know that I am sorry. Treat her well Dan. She deserves it. AND... don't sell yourself short of anything less than what you can become.

Next chapter in my life! HERE I COME! :)

ROOMMATES!!!! :D

Almost all of my roommates have moved into the apartment. I am so surprised. I thought that I wouldn't do to well, but I already adore all of them and think that they are adorable. I am so excited for the school year! With my Dan (boyfriend), my friends, my roommates, my classes... AH life is going to rock! I just hope that I can hold onto all of what I have recently obtained. Sometimes it's hard to accept change, but I have noticed that the changes that have happened to me lately in my life have brought me the most happiness. Man! I love change... sometimes. hahah.

I applied for nine theatre jobs at the school yesterday. NINE. My hand was dead by the end of filling all of them out. I also made this really really REALLY legit resume that I freaking LOVE. I hope that all of those theatre people at the college can adore my resume and give me a couple jobs. It would make me oober happy. I like jobs. Jobs are good. Especially when they are involved in the theatre department.

Makenzie bought me wine glasses at the DI today. They are freakin LEGIT. Can I just say how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE wine glasses. Once I get out on my own entirely, all of my cups will consist of wine glasses. They make me happy. :)

Well. Dan is freakin incredible... I adore the man and think that he is by far one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. I guess we will just have to see where life will go. The only thing that I can predict is that life is going to change... how it's going to change...I guess I will never know.... We will see :)

"If you're lucky enough to be in the mountains, you're lucky enough."

Life has an interesting way of totally throwing me off guard and giving me a taste of something that I never expected to happen. Remember that boy I talked about? Well, we are back together again. All the little "break-ups" that we have had have been good for us, and made us realize how much we really care about each other. It's nice. I am not oober twitter patted like I have been in the past, but every time I see him or talk to him my heart beats a little faster and I feel a little more light headed. Being with him is... comforting and... peaceful. I can't help but know that I am doing the right thing and I absolutely love it.

I went to a cabin with my boyfriend and some friends up north. It was a blast. I have missed the mountains. Being with my man helped build our relationship... I don't know. It was just good to be with him those couple of days and just... appreciate him even more. Yay for cabins and camping!

So my room mate just moved into my apartment today... or should I say is currently moving into my apartment. I like her. She is way cool and I have a good feeling about her. I think his school year will be fan-freakin-tastic!!! :)

Well! I am starving and I need to go turn in some job applications so I am going to cut this blog short. Talk to you soon!